Sunday, August 29, 2010


You know what I feel every time I hear your voice? I feel kind of giddy, like my heart is fluttering, and I feel giggly all over. I smile to myself a lot, and when you’re talking, sometimes I don’t even know what you’re talking about, cause all I do is concentrate on your voice, on how you talk, on how your tone changes when you’re smiling, or frowning, or just simply playing around. I like it, I like it a lot.
You know what I feel when you’re in front of me? I feel the kind of attraction, where even I can’t see it. It’s like, when you’re in front of me I can’t help but feel the need of touching your hair, or pinching your cheeks, or simply holding your hand. I can’t help but look at your face, how your expression changes with the words you say, how your cheeks lift up when you’re smiling, how your eyebrows meet when you’re making faces, the way your lips move when you’re talking. The way your hands fly here and there when you’re trying to explain things. It’s cute, and funny. and I can’t help but to look and stare.
You know what I feel when you suddenly touch me? I feel the kind of heat. And the heat travels, from where you touch me to other parts of my body, and I somehow feel a kind of glow, a kind of warmness, not just any kind though, it’s like, a giggly warmness, maybe like the kind you get when you drink wine or something, it warms you, makes you feel all cheeky, goofy, kind of clumsy all over, and you don’t care, cause you’re feeling happy. Yes, and when you touch me, I just can’t help myself but to touch you back, and to hold you as close as I can, as long as I can…
You know what I feel when you hurt me? I feel nothing. Yes, nothing. My body, my brain, my heart, they feel numb. Like, I can’t feel anything at all. It’s like all my emotions suddenly go down the drain, and all I can do is let my body take over, let my face gives its own expression. I wouldn’t realize whether I’m smiling, or crying, or walking, or standing, or sitting. I wouldn’t know what I say, or do. I wouldn’t know anything. My brain feels blank, like its nothing but an oval box up there. And my eyes will just wonder around, like nothing seems familiar to me anymore. And I wouldn’t cry, no, I wouldn’t, because I don’t feel anything. Only when I go home, go into my room and lie down, only then everything will crash upon me, everything. From the very beginning to the end. One by one will fall onto me like a falling skyscraper, only then I would do what I’m supposed to do. I’d cry, I’d laugh, I’d smile, I’d scream. Only then I’ll realize how it hurt, how painful it is. And when I’m through with it, I’d wipe my tears, look at myself in the mirror, smile, and get out of my room likenothing happened.
This is exactly what I do, what I feel. There’s more to it, but well, you don’t care anyway. Lets pretend like nothing happened and put our heads up high, shall we? :)

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